Another post from the series of emails that I sent in 2014 as we navigated starting an IVF cycle….
As we seek to find normalcy in this crazy science experiment (see photo) that will be our way to have a baby, we will seek to honor some of our own superstitions and keep private the pregnancy as our own for a bit once we find out. While we will find out fairly early on via a blood test when we are pregnant, we will go with what the CIA did when they launched their Twitter account and we will neither confirm nor deny that we are expecting. This worked when we knew we were moving to Phoenix, but had not yet told some key people, so it seems right to use it here as well. Just wanted to share this well in advance…..
One of you suggested that I add positive messages to the boxes, but I feel like I am embracing that this is the nature of things for us by acknowledging that this is our path. I quite like that Walgreens brand message is “at the corner of Happy and Healthy” and that their brand is “Well” at Walgreens. We had to get Walgreens OPKs as that is the brand that fertility docs seem to trust the most. For those of you that know my affinity for numbers and belief that angels are watching over us when the numbers are aligned, there have been oodles of number synchronicity lately and that has been quite reassuring.
For 2 years, I was in denial that this would be our path. I wanted it to happen “naturally.” When I knew we were moving to Phoenix, I decided it would be a fresh break to find a new doctor for us and that I would more confidently embrace this path as I long to be a mom. This doctor is compassionate in the way that the other doctor was not. My medical mind is wrapping around all of the science of this although it took me a minute at the Club yesterday to realize that when D was squeezing my belly and saying “prick” that he was actually practicing giving me shots. I am still not sure if I will feel more comfortable giving self-shots or him giving me shots, but for now I am open to either.
The things that I am still working on embracing are the lack of caffeine. Apparently caffeine-free and decaf are not equal, so no more lattes or chocolate or ok there is so much that has caffeine. Today I treated myself to a rosemary-honey steamed milk and brie-apple danish at my favorite 32 Shea. It is a local cafe that kept me caffeinated throughout the move with an iced latte version of the same. I wanted the nutella-strawberry danish, but took one for the team….It was nice to be able to walk there today as the heat was not too bad today. It is strange also to not be able to do heavy activity, including running, active yoga, and well ok anything but gentle yoga and walking. I am not quite on the meds that require some of these steps yet, but figured it was easier to embrace now before the meds do crazy things to my body.
This process is not for the faint of heart or apparently for those without adequate funds. I was uber grateful last week that my strong negotiating skills got us a 25% discount for a “hardship” based on the fact that D took a bit of a cut to come here and I am not currently working. 25% is better than 10% for those of you that have paid for those meds out of pocket (YIKES!). The doctor is also having some sort of summer promotion, so we got a discount there as well, but this process is expensive and I am very grateful that we are in a position to not be stressed by these expenses right now. Last year when we were starting the IUI process, we had money put away but it would have been more of a burden. Guess moving to Arizona worked out for us on all sorts of reasons.