13 years ago, I encountered my first major experience with grief. My Dad died from stage IV-B lung cancer 8 months after being diagnosed – mind-blowingly difficult. I was 25, married just over a year and I could eat only sushi from Sushi Sam’s and cheesecake ice cream from Cold Stone with the itty bitty chocolate chips.
I would order the Love It size at Cold Stone, but I would eat maybe half of it and put the rest in the freezer for later. I got down to a size 0 and I mean a loose size 0, noticeably slim, people commented as I loose weight first in my collar bones, so it is not easy to hide it.
How did I know I was losing something this time? The grief manifested itself in the same way. Constant pervasive nausea since 1/13/17. Now as the time grows painfully close to saying good-bye, I cannot be there without throwing up – literally.
It’s just after 7am in Phoenix and I am sitting at my favorite cafe working feeling very content that I managed not to throw up this morning. Yesterday, I ate, I listened to my body and I ate well. With my adrenaline junkie antics lately, calories count, I need the calories.
I started the morning at 32 Shea with a friend where I saw other friends and I managed to eat an entire everything bagel with cream cheese and red onions. It does not sound like a lot, however for the last 3 months getting a half a bagel with cream cheese down has been challenging.
Life is changing in a big way and I am purging apparently things and my guts. I exuded self-care yesterday by staying out of the house most of the day and asking for help with Mer. Grateful that his dog walker is quite possibly his favorite person. Happy puppy, happy mommy.
After shopping some serious amount at Scottsdale Fashion Square, getting a new Vitamix, knives, and clothes, I headed to Buck &Rider for their epically good happy hour. While I they would not make the hash browns, I was able to get down oysters and sushi.
Then I headed to aerial yoga at Elevate Yoga AZ, which could possibly be my newest Thursday night fun. First active aerial yoga, then a break to walk around the space at the MonOrchid, then restorative aerial.
True story about last night, I ran into a girl I met for the first time while working on my vision board at the Changing Hands vision board session in January. Neither of us live near there or even work near there, so the serendipity of that is not lost on me.
For enjoying aerial yoga, we were rewarded with 50% off drinks at The Dressing Room. Of course, we had to enjoy that, right? The fish tacos and shrimp & chips were perfect shareable dinner.
So you see, yesterday I ate and I am feeling damn good that I managed not to upchuck my cookies this morning.