2017, what can I say? You are off to a very interesting start. Change is the only thing that is certain this year and boy has it been full of change.
There are a few key players that have guided and shepherded me as the changes grew beyond my expectations and made me falter. More than anything the end result of the spring of change was that I wanted to run, run as far away as I could just to have a break.
Choices that earlier in the year seemed wise did not feel quite as right when I tried them on for size. The house felt empty, very, very, very empty. The new gig felt uncomfortable. The solo trip I planned as a new beginning felt jarring to be alone in a foreign country for the first time in 16 years.
And, yet there were blessings and bright spots in those moments too. I met the most amazing women on the trip and several couples too that included me. The women included me on their adventures when I wanted and ended up being the people that helped me celebrate the end of the trip.
Coming home from the trip was daunting – what would be next? The 2nd to last night, I came up with 3 options: sell the house, get a roommate or two, or rent the house. Each of these options had come to me before, however this time I included a list of pros and cons for each option. This determined that the thing that seemed the most negative was packing. Packing and moving sound awful right now. Two of the options include this, which made them less desirable.
I came home to the aforementioned very, very, very empty house and selling started to sound good again as it felt strange to have a house that was so empty. Today, I finally moved the rest of my stuff back into the master bedroom. (The bed moved back before the solo trip, but the rest of the stuff was still in the guest room.)
It seemed to me that if I could feel settled in one space in the house that maybe running would feel less good plus it would prepare the guest room for a roommate officially. When I mentioned this to a friend, sharing that I would like to see if staying feels ok; I also shared that I have determined you cannot run from yourself…He shared the video below with me and the lyrics are on point – “I can’t outrun myself.”
Rocket science, right? It is true though, I think it is time to get comfortable in the discomfort of the unknown yet perhaps exciting future.