Lately Apple Music has been playing nearly constantly in my house. During the course of the last year, I found music a tremendous way to heal my soul.
In the spring, my Dad controlled my radio again and I found songs that lifted me up as I navigated the hardest time in my life so far. Then DLR introduced me to Apple Music, which I downloaded for the first time in June. While it is only $9.99 a month, I have a disaffinity towards anything that requires a subscription or a contract this year.
That is not really rocket science, right? Well, once the free trial was up in September, I unsubscribed from Apple Music yet I found myself continuing to come back to it. I love that it creates DJ like playlists. I love that I do not have to think about choosing music. Playlists like Chill Mix, Favorites, or even New Music called to me.
The holidays were always going to be a bit weird this year. They were the firsts. The firsts in a year of grief, well they always suck a bit even if you were the chooser of the loss, they still suck.
These holidays were mixed with the fact that I ended the year with a bang that helped me see that I was not nearly as ready to date as I thought I was in August/September. Rather than lose the last 3 weeks of the year of change to woe is me, I utilized the last 3 weeks of 2017 to visualize and dream about how 2018 would be different.
After my last deal of 2017 closed on 12/22, I drove to La Jolla to spend time with my Mom and Grandma as well as friends. Then I drove to Carlsbad to spend Christmas with my other Grandma. I capped off the trip with two nights in Palm Springs before driving back.
Someone up there was looking out over me as each room at each hotel gave me just what I needed at that moment. Granted it helps that I have great status with Marriott Rewards to assist in the room selection, but overall I also felt that I was being rewarded for choosing myself above all else.
The final hotel was truly the best. I was scheduled to only stay one night, but they upgraded me to a suite on the 5th floor with a view and I decided that was worth an extra night.
The last few weeks I mostly excelled at self-care and aligning with where my mind and body need to be. This means I wake up when my body is ready to wake and I rest when I need to rest. I also made a lot of changes to make the house my own. It finally feels like a house that I chose, a house that I want to enjoy and share with friends.
Where I did not excel. When friends tease me, especially guys, I take it a little too sensitive right now…Texting is challenging when the friend is relatively new and he is best on the phone where I can hear his intonation.
I am vulnerable right now, that is on me. I am fighting back tears with a huge smile knowing that this year is already off to a magical start yet it is bittersweet as I approach the anniversary of when I propelled the divorce into motion. (Tears dripping down my face as I write this).
I will be okay. I know this to be true. I have made it thru worse. I chose this path too.
My ladies have been instrumental the last few weeks: volunteering at the Joy Bus, time shared by the pool, wine and pizza night at Pomelo, happy hour at home, brunch at St. Francis, PJs and crazy socks at home on NYE (ok a few amazing hubbies and one adorable little dude also participated…), and more.
Current favorite playlists: Pure Motivation (all day) and Zone of Calm (night and naps). The title of this post came from a song that played as I began to write. The other line that caught my ear: “I came to party on my own.”