A lifetime lived and a lifetime left to live with principal difference being that I choose my future now. Every choice I make is now mine. Some days start out hard and end sweet, some days finish hard and start sweet.
Yesterday was the latter. It was a good day, but I felt the tears welling up thru dinner with a friend. Not depression this time just tears of the land of bitter and sweet. The success right now is incredible. The friendships that evolved over the past few years with people that see me for me are incredible.
The wall in front of my workspace shows the juxtaposition of what was before and what lies ahead. There are two awards that carry the name that is no longer mine, which someone asked me if it bothered me recently. I shared that it bothered me only in that I also received one of the awards with my current name last year yet they did not give out paper awards.
There are the moments like attempting to pick up a prescription with my new, old name and seeing the address where I first moved down the Peninsula. There are these moments of history still appearing.
In the art of letting go, I chose to tackle the memories and pain with fierceness. Somehow it felt to me that if I went thru the muck of it that I would be better prepared to open myself up for the world of possibility ahead.
This has proven true in ways beyond measure yet that does not mean that there has not been pain and certainly does not mean that there have not been tears. As I approach next week, I know I am stronger now than I was before.
I know that this week will be coupled with tears for the great success and love now felt that was made possible only by realizing that the life that looked good on paper had to be shed to find something greater.