A long relationship often includes sayings, inside jokes, and traditions. This Christmas was one of the last firsts in a year of change. In loss, the firsts after the loss can feel challenging. Sometimes they offer a fresh start, but often are mixed with moments of tears.
This week I definitely felt the need to stave off the tears, which have now finally bubbled to the surface. While our marriage was not meant to last, my then husband was always generous at Christmas.
He loved to say “Christmas means presents.” Last year was the first year that the gifts under the tree did not matter to me as much. In fact, he ended up returning several of the gifts due to my apathy. It was not good and I feel badly for that.